She will be missed

My great-aunt Lois passed away last night.
She has fought cancer for awhile, had a stroke, was in a coma, bounced back, got an infection, and then went peacefully.
As I grew up, Lois was one of the few relatives on my dad's side who I would look forward to seeing.
She was so down to earth, kind, soft spoken, and thought of you as one of her own.
My family always made it a point to stop and see her when we would drive through town.
She will be greatly missed.

My dad was so very fond of Lois, even though her children (my dad's cousins) drove him crazy.
I'm so worried about how he will take her death.
In the last few years he has lost several friends, and I think he really worries about his own health as a result.
The fact that he worries makes me worry.
I worry a lot.
I can't do anything about it, but I worry a lot.
I am especially worried when he has a constant headache, and the fact that he went back to work.
I'm not ready to lose my daddy.
I will never be ready, but I'm really not ready right now.
I haven't done anything with my life yet.

I have to go so I don't start bawling.

Peace out,
Bamf

Disappearing Act

Sometimes I disappear.
I fall off the radar.
I fall off the face of the earth.
I find myself in the same routine: work, workout, try and spend time with friends, repeat.
Now that most of the craziness is gone, I really fall off the radar.
I would rather just stay at home, in my PJs with glasses on.
But alas, I need to be social.
There are so many people that I need to meet up with, but that also means cutting into my workout routine.
Truth: I'm saddened by having to do that, and I often avoid it at all costs.
I'm pathetic, I know.
It's OK though.

Quick week recap:
-I worked last thursday through today. 6 days of pure chaos, especially with Memorial Day. Have I mentioned how much I dislike working on holidays? The time and a half pay just isn't worth it most of the time...
-My BFF is back from her honeymoon and wants to get together. I'm avoiding it really bad. I'm not sure why. *OK, I know why, I'm just trying not to say it out loud for fear of being told I'm the biggest bitch of all time. don't worry, I'm already saying it to myself as I type.*
-I successfully jogged for 5 minutes straight on the deadfall (treadmill). It was rough, but I did it.
-I'm still keeping up with a 30 day squat challenge. Holy shit, It's crazy. 80 squats were done today...
-My allergies are HORRENDOUS right now. I've been in glasses for days, and finally today I don't feel like gouging my eyes out. I'm being high maintenance by requesting that we don't EVER open any windows... I'm not a fan of being miserable.
-I was offered another temp job for this fall/winter, at the same company doing HR again when my friend goes on maternity leave. I will take it if I don't get the job at my mom's company. I wish the HR job came with benefits and everything, but it doesn't. Sucky part of growing up is that I need to act responsibly.
-The scale went up, when I'm really pondering why. I've been wayyy more active and better with my eating compared to 2 weeks ago when I had McDonalds 3 times within the week (gross, I know. I was desperate.) and a crap ton of soda.
-My niece is still hilarious.
-It's 8:30 and I'm ready for bed.
-I'm terrified for my father's health. Like you wouldn't believe. Makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm out.
Bamf

Calm

My life has become calm again.
I'm so exhausted, mentally and physically, but calm is there.
Last week was full of 6 days straight of dance rehearsals and recitals.
Over those days I fell in love with the idea of dancing, especially for a dance center like 'nMotion.
The studio is a non-competitive one, so I know that the dancers just truly love what they do.
In 6 short days I got to know more people, see what life is like in the wings of the stage, and feel the energy that goes through one's body just before going out to perform.
Although I never danced as a child, I am so happy that I can experience it now.
I constantly have all the dance songs and performances flowing through my head, and I think I will have to put the recital soundtrack in my car- some of those songs are just addicting...

I'm still trying to deal with my broken car.

I got it quoted yesterday, and they are estimating it to cost over $4,000 to fix it. 

Because of the miles and age, the cost to fix it is more than 75% of its worth, so my car is considered totaled. 

Not cool.

Not sure where to go from here.

I had to stuff a tarp into the gap in my trunk in order to keep the monsoon like rains from flooding my trunk.

*real classy, I know

One more thing to add to my list of craptastic events, is that at work I jammed my finger into a box, so my thumb bent back and cracked.

My hand has been swollen since, and I'm really just not a fan of it.

I'm not sure if it's sprained, fractured, or broken.

I haven't been to a doctor because I don't want to pay for an x-ray incase it isn't broken. 

We'll see what happens.

I'm hesitant to go to yoga or kettlebells due to putting weight on my hand.

Bah.

Ok, time to attempt a walk outside and hope that my face doesn't swell shut.

Allergies are a bitch right now.

Stay classy,

Bamf

Weekend Recap

This past weekend was CRAZY as my BFF Andrea got married.

 

1: My BFF's bachelorette party- decked out in western wear.

2: I got us all cowboy boot can koozies- they were a hit.

3: The bride's bro joined us on the bachelorette party as our security guard. ha.

4: Post-tequila shot face. With a lime.

5: Cowboy hat with a veil. Classy.

6: Bride's Bro, Me, Mandi, Bride.

7: Pretty nails.

8: Someone rear-ended me on my way home from getting my nails done. Not cool.

9: Bride's beautiful hair.

10: Bride while getting her hair done.

11: The necklace I got her for the big day.

12: Mimosa's are necessary while doing makeup.

13: Bride and Groom's first dance.

14: The Bride and the Maid of Honor- aka me.

15: The gorgeous venue.

16: My brother's and their kids came over for Mother's day, so I snapped a picture of Miss Brenna.

That, my friends, is a snapshot of the weekend. 

It was exhaustingly beautiful.

I almost fell 3 times during the ceremony, but I didn't. Hooray for me.

The food was delicious at the reception.

Everyone danced.

My dress almost blew up above my head because of the wind (20-30mph gusts), but it didn't, thank god.

My speech went really well and I was complimented throughout the night for it.

Gift opening the next day was wonderful, and the bride and groom safely made it to the East coast for their honeymoon.

I got to see one of my other best friend's while she was in town.

She working in DC, and came home with her boyfriend for a few days so he could see her hometown and meet a few of her friends in person (we've only ever seen each other before via Skype).

My brother's came over for Mother's Day, so I got to see all the kiddos.

Yesterday started a long week of rehearsals and recital performances for dance, with a rehearsal for the upper level and adult classes.

Today and tomorrow are dress rehearsals, and Thursday-Saturday are performances.

Yowza.

SO. BUSY.

I also have an informal interview today for my mom's company- cross your fingers for me!

OK, gotta jet. 

Stay Classy.

Running around like crazy,

Bamf

Uneasy

My bestest friend ever gets married tomorrow. 

I'm honored to be her maid of honor, and to play that special role in her wedding. 

At the same time I'm terrified of being pushed aside and left behind as she becomes married and in her own life. 

I can never tell her, or anyone else, my real fear because I've seen it happen so many times with friends already. 

Makes me so sad and uneasy. 

I should be happier, but I just want to cry my eyes out. 

Now typing that out I feel like an even more horrible person. 

Oh yeah, I HATE that I'm going to yet another wedding solo. 

I don't even want to go to weddings anymore cause its humiliating. 

Good thing everyone I know is getting married. 

FML. 

Yay for another wedding full of drinking alone. 

Depressingly yours,

BAMF

P.s. this post makes me sound the most depressing bitch ever, huh? 

P.p.s. I got rear ended by another car today so now my car is all jacked up. Just the cherry on the top. 

Wedding Festivities

The wedding festivities have officially begun for my BFF's wedding on Saturday!
I'm on day 1 of my 5 days off from work (hell yeah!), and that's about all I've done for the wedding thus far.
Well, I got a spray tan last night that left a wonderful stripe down my left arm, and a spot on my foot, so that's cool.
Remind me to pick up a lemon on my way home from kettle bells tonight....
Tomorrow I will pick up my dress, pick up a bridesmaid from the airport, throw the bachelorette party, and revel in the wedding awesomeness!
If I can get this spray tan under control, I will be so much happier...
Until then, it's tap dance and kettle bells tonight!
Next week is my dance recitals... holy shit!
*Cue panic and anxiety attack*
OK, gotta jet.

Keep it real,
Bamf

Sole Survivor

On January 21, 1985 my aunt, uncle, and my aunt's parents were killed in the Galaxy Airlines Flight 203 shortly after it took off from Reno, Nevada en route to Minneapolis, MN.
My cousin, an only child, lost her parents and grandparents in that flight.
Two years later, to the day, I was born.
My birthday has always been a day of celebration, as well as a day of remembrance for the aunt and uncle that I never got to know.
I can't even imagine how my cousin grew up without her parents, as well as my grandma losing a son, and my mom and her sister's losing their only brother.
Just horrific.
A film, called Sole Survivor, was created.
It tells the stories of 4 people who were the Sole Survivors of major airliner crashes.
The film also talks about the families that were left behind, and my cousin was lucky enough to be a part of the film.
A preview screening is in Minneapolis on May 30th, and I would love to get there if at all possible.

I highly encourage you to visit the website and read more about the film, as well as check out the video preview.

I'm exhausted from tap dance and kettle bells tonight, so this is all I got.
Watching the preview has made me ridiculously emotional too.
I'm out.

Exhausted,
Bamf