Noticing

So I've been on a pretty hardcore gym stint for the past few months.
I try and get to the gym 5-6 days a week, but never 7 because otherwise I know I will burn myself out.
If I have something to do, I try not to stress about it and just make sure to make it the next day.
There have been a few times when I missed a few days in a row, aka HORRIBLE allergy attacks, and getting back into the groove is so flipping hard!
If I maintain my system of going and working out right after work, or in the middle of the day if I have the day off, I will be OK.
Now I will be dancing for 3 hours on Tuesday nights as a bootcamp workout at the dance studio, so I will do that in place of my typical workout.
As I workout I am ridiculously calm, which is surprising after all the stress that this past month has been causing me.
Between my car troubles, job woes, not hearing about a job I interviewed for a month ago, and overall family stressors; to say I'm stressed is an understatement.
I spend the 1.5-2 hours alone, listening to music, sweating out my frustrations, and not caring about a thing in the world besides increasing my distance, speed, or lifting weights.
Yes, I often hang out at the gym for 2 hours.
When I make the trip there, I fully commit and don't half-ass anything.
If I am rushed I get pissed, and that is why I love to go alone.
The YMCA is my happy place, it really is.

Today was the first day that anyone has noticed, or told me, that they see a difference.
When I saw my BFF today, she told me that I look smaller.
My response, "well good, that's the whole reason that i've been working out 5-6 days a week".
My mom said she has also noticed, which makes me feel good.
I can't tell a whole bunch in my clothes, but I'm not too overly concerned with that at the moment.
I haven't really publicized my weight loss efforts out in the open like some of my friends do for many reasons, some of those being  1) I don't like attention being brought to myself, 2) I am afraid of failing if everyone is watching me all the time, and 3) I'm ashamed of where I am at in life.
Some of my coworkers at work know, mainly cause I see them so often, but I'm keeping it pretty minimal.
I just need to keep going at it and not focusing on what everyone thinks.
Yes, I am avoiding seeing people in order to get in time at the Y, but right now I need to do things for me and that is what is most important.
Fo realz.
I wouldn't pass up meeting my BFF tonight, especially after my car troubles last week kept me from seeing her then, but I made sure to get a few miles in on the treadmill tonight.
Priorities, yo.

I'm exhausted, and looking forward to sleeping in.
Put out some good vibes for me, if possible, so that I can get this job that I so desperately need.
My sanity is at sake, people.


Stay classy,
Bamf