It happens to all of us- you think you have a system down,
and then damn near 2 weeks later you realize that life has passed you by and
you don’t know where the hell it all went.
Days come and go, and often times I have no idea what day it
is. I have officially hit that point in life where you just determine the day
based on whether or not you work. I have every other weekend off, so the
weekends don’t really feel like weekends. It’s annoying, but whatever- comes
with the territory. Having weekends off should be wonderful- they should be
stress free and relaxing. Unfortunately that does not happen with me. My days
off are ridiculously stressful because I have to do whatever I didn’t get to do
in the past 5 days, 3 days, or however long. Not cool. My weeknights? Those are
jam packed as well. Always something going on. I’m so weird in the fact that I
feel bored without always having something to do, but when I have so much going
on I get overwhelmed. It’s just my life and it’s how it will always be, so I’m
not sure what my deal is. I’m just crazy, that’s all. Oh well.
In recent news, I now take a tap dance class one night a
week. It’s not something I have ever done before, like take a legit dance
class, but it’s a challenge that I am excited to take. I’m also going back to
the gym, and trying to be faithful to it, but dance class is another way that
lets me be active without causing my horrendous ADD to come out. Let’s just say
I get bored so incredibly easy. It’s kind of ridiculous. I really hope that
dance keeps me on track. I tried to find a ballet class for adult beginners,
but no such hope. Maybe next time. Oh yeah, and somehow I effed up my wrist
when I was working out. I’m not sure how, but I’m just special like that. It’s
almost better not to question what happens to me.
Joan River’s is obnoxious, that is all. Her voice makes me
want to punch someone.
Seeing as this is the place where I air out all my dirty
laundry and feelings since I have no idea who is reading this, if anyone, I
have no problem saying what I won’t tell anyone in real life…
Yea, so a couple week ago my niece, I love her even though
she really is a little brat, called me squishy and fat. Yes, she was tired and being
a little brat, and she stuck her tongue out which got her in time out, but kids
tell the truth. It’s just what they do. Yes, it stung and I wanted to cry when
she said that, but she was in the house and in trouble before anything could be
said. Later my niece calls me, and I could tell she had been crying, and my
brother basically coached her through telling me that she hoped I would go back
and play with her again soon. The whole time I just consoled her and told her
that it was OK and I would play with her again. I felt so bad that she was
crying because she told the truth. I am squishy, and I’m not sure anymore what
to do to really change that. Every time I think I have a system down, something
changes and I just can’t do it anymore. Life gets to be so stressful with job
searching, seeing all my friends get married and have babies, and then the
money thing. It’s all interconnected, but seems so different and far apart from
one another. I need that motivation to get in gear, and I hope that tap dance will
do that. My week nights get to be so busy as a result of me trying to spend
time with friends since my weekends are busy, so I don’t get proper sleep and I
often eat out. My work schedule is always changing so it’s difficult for me to
get a concrete schedule. I know these are all excuses, but it’s hard to swing
it all the other way. Most days I really do think that I need a shrink, aka a
psychologist. There is something going on, but I need to get to the root cause.
I act like I have it together when I am around mostly everyone, but keeping it
all in leads to mental breakdowns, and only then do I say some of what I am
thinking. It’s a curse, curst I tell you. How I change it I have no idea. Like
I said, I need help.
I will have to wait and see if this dance/gym routines
holds, otherwise I have no idea since in a few short months we will be heading
into another Minnesota winter. They are brutal, I tell you. Nothing like 8
inches of snow and -25 F windchill to make a person completely avoid leaving
the house, especially to go workout. Often times shoveling snow is a huge
workout in and of itself. Life should just be taken day-by-day. Here’s to
another Friday night babysitting, and not looking forward to working in the
early morning. Let me just say, I am not a morning person. EVER.
Until next time,
Megan
p.s. Today is one of the days where I HATE my job. Retail has basically ruined my life. Forever.
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