Sinking friendships

I'm in such a funk lately and I have no idea why.
Well, I have some reasons, but none of them are good ones.
It is what it is, I guess.

I can feel myself pushing people away.
Pushing friendships away.
This isn't like me.
I am so unhappy with my life right now, that I almost don't want to be around anyone.
I would rather hibernate.
He'll, I've cancelled dinner dates with friends because I'd rather sit at home.
Just so weird.

These next two days will be chaos.
My oldest friend is getting married, and I'm her personal attendant.
Basically her bitch for the day.
And she has said she couldn't do it without me.
I'm so confused by all of it sometimes, but oh well.
I'll be glad when its done.
I'm pretty much just excited to get drunk off my ass this weekend, to be completely honest.
It's been awhile, I will admit that.
I have too much going on to go out and do that all the time.
Not to mention I'm broke.
Awesome.
Happy wedding weekend to Reese and Matt!!!!

One person who was in my life was deleted from it, and that was all my fault.
Lately I've been thinking about him, and I don't know why.
Hell, he's been in my dreams. So weird.
When he was living out of state I was pretty much the only one he talked to besides his family, sometimes.
Said he didn't want to hang out with his old friends because of their choices when he moved back.
He moved back almost a year ago.
I've seen him twice, maybe.
I tried contacting him, heard nothing, and then I got a new phone and phone number and didn't tell him.
And I deleted him from Facebook.
I'm so done with superficial friendships that I deleted 100+ people one night. And I haven't missed any of them.
Anyway, haven't seen him or heard from him, and then he requested to be my friend on Facebook.
It has been just sitting there, because I'm not sure what I truly want to do.
I had such strong feelings for him, got nothing back, and bringing him back into my life would be so hard.
No one knows about him besides one person.
I want to keep it that way simply because it makes me feel like a moron.
All I think is that no one will love/like me cause of how I look, and I know he sure wont.
My low/non-existent self esteem is not attractive. To anyone. Especially me.
But I almost feel no need to change anything, partly because I'm just so tired of all of it. So tired.
Lets hope I don't drunkenly respond to his friend request this weekend.
Remind me to leave my phone in the hotel room...

Until then, whenever that is, his friendship will stay pending.. Along with my self-worth.

Yep,
Bamf