Hurts so good

Sometimes I'm not sure if I believe that statement.
I hurt, but I definitely don't feel good.
But I hurt cause I busted my ass at Jazzercise, so I guess that's good.
I guess.
Ugh, I'm just sore all over.
I want to try jogging outside tomorrow, but we'll see how the roads are.
I don't have insurance yet, so I can't do anything too dangerous.
After work I also have to decorate a cake for this weekend.
For a legit client.
EXCITING!!!
Cakes were made tonight, along with some of the buttercream.
I need to make a shit ton more tomorrow.
Thank goodness for KitchenAid stand mixers- makes my life much easier.
The decoration will be super easy, but it'll probably take me all night since I'm a perfectionist.
Below you will find the cakes in their naked form, and tomorrow they will become a masterpiece.
Just wait and see.
K, I'm exhausted and sore so it's bedtime.

Dreaming of cake,
Bamf

Life's Challenges

Life is full of challenges, if you didn't already know that.
I feel as if I am living within one of the biggest challenges right now.
You know, the one where absolutely nothing is going right?
Yeah, that one.
This morning as I was catching up on a weeks worth of morning devotions, the first one really stuck out to me.
It says "The favor of God comes in the midst of life's challenges. When you are going through tough times, even if your situation looks impossible, stay in an attitude of faith, and start declaring God's favor instead of being discouraged and developing a sour attitude. One touch of God's favor can turn everything around in your life."
Wow.
Talk about having something being in the right place at the right time.
I can only think that my challenges are seeming even more impossible due to my lack of prayer, and anything faith related.
I can't let my work schedule get in the way of my church going.
I need to make a conscience effort to make it to mass, even if I have to work on the weekends- thank goodness for Saturday night Catholic mass.
Here's to making changes.

On a super happy note, yesterday was one of my best friend's birthday, and one of my good friends had her baby early yesterday morning!
I'm so blessed for having both of them in my life.
So blessed.
My friend Becca's baby has ended up in the NICU for a few days.
Baby A is having breathing difficulties due to complications during birth, so as a precaution they are giving her antibiotics and giving her the best care they can right now.
I know that everything will be OK due to the trust in God, but it's still scary.
I'm honored to have been able to see baby A yesterday- her parents love her so much, so she just needs to remain tough and bust through this setback.
Please throw in a little prayer for baby A if at all possible.

I'll leave you with a little picture of baby Wade that I got to snuggle with yesterday, and I get to see again today! Woohoo!!

Bully (the purring cat pillow) loves to snuggle with baby Wade!

Stay Classy,
Bamf

Sweating out my frustrations

Well, I attempted to sweat out the frustrations.
It kind of worked.
She kicked our asses tonight at Jazzercise.
Tomorrow will just be a whole new batch of them.
I need to get out of Target.
So badly.
Let's hope I can get an interview with one of the 4 or 5 jobs that I applied to last week.
Cross your fingers for me.
Tomorrow is Yoga.
Wednesday is Tap Dance.
Thursday is Jazzercise.
And maybe I'll attempt to run on Friday.
If there is no snow or super bad ice.
I don't have insurance yet, so I can't get hurt myself.
Most important thing right now.

Yeah, that's all I got.
I need to prep for tomorrow.
Hopefully I can wake up early so I can actually eat breakfast.
I need to become a morning person.
Super bad.
We'll see.

I'm done.

Peace out,
Bamf

Nothing good

Sorry for being such a negative nancy lately, but nothing goes right lately.
The universe is against me.
My coworkers grandma passed away tonight- that's 3 family deaths in my department at work in the past month.
I had to tell my BFF that I can't afford to go to her bachelorette party in Texas- I feel horrible.
I'm over booked all the time.
I can't find a job, and promoting in my existing job is damn near impossible.
I feel like I'm losing friends left and right.
My bank account is depressingly low.
Overall i'm just unhappy with nearly every aspect of my life.

I'm not sure how to remedy it.
I'd love to move out of the country, but that's damn near impossible.
Alaska would be fun- maybe I should look for a job there.

Tomorrow is babysitting, cake making, and wine/movie night with mah bestie.
We shall drink copious amounts of wine and I will enjoy it.
I'm tired so I'm gonna pass out.

Wine luvr,
Bamf

My dilemma

So my best friend is getting married in May.
I'm so excited for her, and I can't wait for the day to come.
Unfortunately, the girls all want to go to Texas for the bachelorette party.
One of the girls lives there, so we'd have a place to stay, but the airfare alone will be nearly $400.
That is nearly 2/3 of my minuscule retail paycheck.
I'm not sure I can swing that.
I would have to ask my parents for a loan, but I hate to have to do that.
It's an option, but not one I want to have to.

At first I thought I could swing it, but now I'm not so sure.
I feel bad telling the girls that I can't go, but I don't want to put myself into even more debt.
I can't afford that.
I don't want that added stress.
However, I'd have that stress of not going because I'm the maid of honor.
I don't make decisions well based off of stress.
I don't know what to do.
Ugh.
I have to make a decision asap.

Stressed out,
Bamf

Just keep swimming

I have to work in 6 hours.
I can't sleep for shit.
Tomorrow will be a 10 hour shift on no sleep.
Fml.
I will be an exhausted emotional mess once tomorrow comes.

My coworkers grandma hasn't passed yet, but isn't doing well.
She will indefinitely be out this week, and more than likely some of next week.
And we will scramble to cover her shifts, once again.
My schedule will continue to get fucked with.
I'm not sure how much more of that I can take.
This whole thing just throws me off.

I go about situations like this so differently than others.
I've been in the situation twice.
When my both grandmas died, I only missed a total of 3 days of work.
Two were due to the funerals, and one was due to needing a mental day.
I was a wreck.
But I picked back up, went to work, took my college finals, and continued on with life.

I was raised in a way so much different than others.
I was raised to keep feelings in.
Don't say anything to upset your family.
Throw everything to the wayside, and just keep chugging along.
We don't mourn like most people do.
We mask our feelings until we burst one day.
That explains why I'm screwed up.
That explains why I'm so upset that my coworker got to take this time off.
She is mourning like I never got to.
Like I wasn't allowed to.
I'm jealous of that.
I just keep on with the trend, don't try to let anything bother me, and I avoid everything.
Then I explode.
I'll never change in that sense.
I'll never get better.
It'll only get worse.
It'll continue to push me into depression.
It'll make me push more people away.
I'll push those feelings away and I'll just keep going on with life.

As Dory says, "just keep swimming."
I will keep swimming.

Bamf

Warning: bitchfest ahead

I can't catch a break.
I really can't.
Yet another HORRIBLE weekend at work...
Shit keeps hitting the fan, and I don't know what to do anymore.
Bad things really do happen in threes.
Ugh.
My boss is FINALLY back tomorrow, only to train a person who will be my new boss.
We'll see how much she says I screwed up.
She has no faith in me, neither does any of upper management.
I think I have the work 'dumbass' written on my forehead- no one thinks I know anything.
Fuckers.

Oh yeah, while 90% of the general population doesn't have to work tomorrow, I do.
I'm SO sick of working holidays.
Especially when I don't get any extra pay.
Nothing.
In the corporate world, fewer than 10 days are considered holidays.
Bologna.

I don't want to be around people right now.
I just want to sit alone.
Good thing I gave up coffee shops for lent.
Those use to be the only place I could go to be alone.
What the hell was I thinking?
Lame.

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Kthanks,
Bamf

Valentines day, huh?

So yeah, that day again, huh?
That day which reminds the single individuals that they are alone, and then slaps em in the face.
Yep, that one.
Good lord I don't like this day.
All day I saw people buying cakes/candy/flowers for their loved ones.
Me?
I got nothing.
Well, my friend (the marriage pact friend) sent me a valentines picture of a puppy with a rose.
At 2:30 this morning.
Not sure what to think of it.
He has been drinking all afternoon in celebration of valentines day.
I'll probs get a drunk text at 4am. Ugh.
I don't understand him.
It's best not to.
Boys are stupid, that's all.
Anyway, moving on from that sore subject...

My Valentines night was filled with a killer Jazzercise workout, dinner with my beastie Alyssa, and then we went and saw 'Identity Thief'.
It was perfect spending it with my fellow single bestie.
Now I'm ending the night with the movie 'Valentines Day'.
Yes, I realize my life is one huge contradiction.
That's just how I roll.

Now to fall asleep to the movie.

Until tomorrow,
Bamf

My British friend

My friend Haz, whom I met when she came over for my friend's wedding years ago, is in town for the week.
Haz is staying at my friend Jess's house this week, so I've been trying to see her as much as I could in between work and life.
Today I was able to join them on the days adventures, in the previous days Jess and my friend Deanna were able to take her many other places.
We took Haz to a lake so she could stand on water.
She was pretty much amazed that you could actually do such a thing, much less sit on the ice to fish.
We took her to Lake Harriet in Minneapolis because Haz's real name is Harriet (I have no idea how Haz came to be).
After spending some time walking around in the snow, we drove around Lake Calhoun, and then went to lunch and shopping on Grand Avenue.
We also stopped at Minnehaha Falls to check them out in their frozen glory- Haz was in love with the falls.
Haz leaves in Saturday morning, so I hope I can see her once more before she goes.
I'll be so sad when she leaves for home :(
She showed me around London when I was there almost 2 years ago, so it was nice to be able to return the favor.
It was a tiring but great day with them.

I finished off my night with some tap dance, as well as stocking up on fruits for the weekend.
We're getting more snow tonight, lame.
Oh yeah, I gave up coffee shops (Starbucks, Caribou, Dunn Bros, etc.) for lent, so cross your fingers I don't die.
It'll be interesting to see how much money I save.
I'm not giving up coffee, cause that would be just horrible.

I will leave you with pictures from the day.

Stay warm,
Bamf

Urgent care and cucakes

This weekend has been so busy, I don't hardly know where it went!
Saturday was a wedding planning day with my BFF- so exhausting but fun.
We went and bought beads to make the beautiful bracelets for the wedding day

The bracelet is much more sparkly in person!

Next we  headed to to Minneapolis to buy some pie samples for her wedding. 

The couple doesn't much like cake, so they are going the pie route.

This sign was on a light pole down the street from the bakery- so cute!

This is not even half of the pie!

We successfully ate a bite of each piece of pie (with the help of her family, of course), and were able to narrow it down to one bakery to go with.

Thank goodness!

I have been working on my white cake recipe, and I'm getting closer, but its just not there yet. 

I decided to work on my chocolate cake recipe, it was so easy and is so yummy.

So chocolatey, so yummy.

I took a break to help shovel the 5-6" of snow we got today.

I'm so thankful we didn't get the 40" that Connecticut got between friday and saturday- that's just icky.

Then the day got eventful

Pinky stitches

I managed to drop a very sharp knife on my pinky.

It was gushing blood.

Not cool. 

A trip to urgent care later, I ended up with a couple of tape stitches (just shallow enough to not need the real things).

This was the best case scenario considering I am kicked off my parents insurance and haven't had work insurance kick in yet.

Less than $100 later I was out the door, bandaged up, and heading for home.

Eventually I made the chocolate buttercream recipe (win), and completed the cupcakes.

Work will love me tomorrow

Luckily I will mostly be doing paperwork tomorrow, so that will help since I wont be able to decorate.

My story that will accompany my bandaged pinky is that I was knife juggling.

Crazy thing is that they will probably believe it.

Hoorah  

Now I'm going to go wrap myself in bubble wrap and not use a knife for a few days.

Whelp, enjoy your night.

Injury prone blogger,

Bamf

Exhausted 4 life

These last 2 weeks have been ridiculously exhausting.
I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, and I can't begin to fathom what will happen next.

I know very few things in life, but what I do know is the following:
-I need a vacation
-I need more money
-I have no idea when my boss will be back
-I probably shouldn't do anything until my insurance kicks in (I'm a walking disaster)
-My body is exhausted
-I really want to snuggle with a puppy or kitty

Clearly my life is a mess.

A family friend, whom my brothers have both worked for at some point, passed away last night after having pneumonia and then suffering from a stroke.
Sadly he is part of the bad trio.
Nothing else bad can happen, right?

Events like that make the fear, and realization, all too real.
We all know that my dad will succumb to another stroke someday, we're just not sure when.
I'm not ever going to be ready for that.
I just hope to god that he changes his ways soon.
I can't lose him yet.
I just can't.

I need to sleep.

-Bamf

Lame adult responsibilities

Today I had to become even more of an adult.

I signed up for my own insurance since I got kicked off of my parent's insurance on my birthday.

Lame.

More money being taken away from my minuscule paycheck...

In the midst of my job search, I must now be extremely picky due to the insurance necessity. 

People have told me about jobs that they hear are available at their workplace, and the first words out of my mouth are 'Does it come with insurance eligibility?' 

Sad but true, I must now look hard at this aspect when I am on the quest for a big girl job.

Double lame.

This past weekend my friend told me of some torterous fun activities that she wants me to try with her.

I had to tell her no, simply due to the fact that I don't have insurance.

Seriously, I should be wrapped in bubble wrap all. the. time.

I trip over everything, cut myself on anything, and straight up injure myself by doing basically nothing.

Last night I strained a muscle in my shoulder.

It hurts like a bitch.

And I don't yet have insurance.

Fuck. My. Life.

Here's to hoping it heals itself quickly.

Thank goodness it's not my right shoulder, aka the side of my body that allows me to do my job.

If it would have been that one I would be super screwed. 

So my day off thus far is spent on sleeping in, enrolling in insurance, and nursing my shoulder.

Here's to hoping that I don't sprain anything in tap dance tonight. *fingers crossed*

Your dramatically injured blogger,

Bamf

Clusterfuck

This weekend was INSANE.
Work was ridiculous.
My nights after work were ridiculously busy.
I'm fucking exhausted.

Superbowl weekend was a killer this year.
The fact that it snowed also made people ridiculous.
I didn't hardly spend time in my own department.
Simply annoying.

I'm going to bed.
We'll see how tomorrow goes.
Ugh.

~Bamf

Bad comes in threes...

Or at least that's how things tend to happen.
More specifically, bad things happen in threes.
Last night my coworker's dad dies.
This afternoon my boss's dad dies.
Umm, this is ridiculous.
My department is one big bundle of depression right now.
So much is going on and needing to be covered/done, and I'm too tired to do it all.
I'm just so tired.
And I think I'm getting sick.
I've been stuffy and exhausted all day, I'm not liking it.

Tomorrow is work, cake trial, and hopefully I can go to bed before 10- we'll see.
This life of mine is too busy.
I'm just tired.

Sheep counting,
Bamf