Sunday of relaxation

Well, that depends on your relaxation.
I'm over halfway through the first season of Two Broke Girls, I have cleaned, I showered and put in contacts, I've remained in my sweatpants all day, uploaded photos to my computer, and got my shit together.
Today was one of my most favorite days ever.

I do believe that I have the cutest nieces and nephews ever.

Don't they just make your heart melt?! 

I love them <3

I will round out the year of 2012 by working ridiculously, getting my finances in order, and seeing old friends.

As well as trying not to kill anyone at work.

Now I will continue on with my regularly scheduled Sunday, and watch more of Two Broke Girls.

I'd be jealous too.

See you next year!

Bamf

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

So far this movie is interesting.
I don't hate it, but I don't love it. Yet.
There is potential.

On another note, today was a cluster funk.
I had a headache for 6+ hours.
I was really tempted to walk out of work.
I didn't, so that's a good thing.
Tomorrow I'm off of work, so that's great.

All day tomorrow I intend to:
-Not leave the house
-Only wear my sweats
-Watch season 1 of 'Two Broke Girls'
-Eat pancakes
-Drink lots of coffee

Update to the movie: I now like it. Not quite love, but I like it.

It is officially winter in the sense that I am sleeping in pants and a long sleeved shirt, underneath 3 blankets.
I don't like winter.
Being cold is lame.
So is my life.

Yep, that's all I got.

Peace out,
Bamf

Don't you worry child

Have you heard that song yet?
It's from Swedish House Mafia, they're pretty awesome.
I'm currently obsessed.
Check em out here

My boss is still out on a family medical leave, so I am still running the department.
It was told to the rest of the store that I have stepped in, so people were talking to me about it all day.
I didn't know that they were mentioning anything, so it really took me by surprise.
And it kind of made me uneasy.
I don't like attention being drawn to me, especially in situations like this.
I would have rather they not said anything, but too late now.

After talking with my friend, the one from the born again friendship, I have discovered many things:
1. I need to see a shrink
2. We were meant to be friends again
3. I really don't like attention being drawn to me
4. I am even more uncomfortable in my own skin than I thought
5. I believe that most of my friends hang out with me because they pity me

You anonymous readers are probably thinking that I am some wackadoodle who has zero self esteem...
And you would be correct.
I am kind of a nutcase, and I don't have any self esteem.
It's OK if you think that of me because I don't know you, and this is my blog.

I have ridiculously low self esteem because I am so very unhappy with so many parts of my life.
As a result I really hate attention being drawn to me.
And I don't want my friends to hang out with me because they pity me.
I'm always the 3rd wheel, 5th wheel, etc.
That makes me even more depressed and self conscience, and I am just so sick of it.
I have become increasingly more distant from friends, and I find reasons to not hang out.
I am seriously considering not going to any NYE things that my friends are setting up.
I am feeling so uncomfortable, and I just really want to stay at home and not do anything.
I'll probably use work as an excuse.
Because I really do have to work at 7am on New Years day.
Yay retail.

Well, I'm exhausted and just want to cry, so i'll take some Nyquil and cry myself to sleep.
Sounds great to me.

Your wackadoodle,
Bamf

Stressed out n' snuggling

Snuggling with my fleece blankets, that is.
Because I think I'm getting a cold.
Again.
What the hell is up with that?
I was sick not too long ago and I feel like I'm never going to get better.
I blame work.
My boss is out of state, and has been for the past week.
Her father is in a coma, and not doing well, so I don't blame her at all.
I'm the one that everything falls on when she is gone, so with the holidays there is just so much more added stress that I'm not use to.
Every day is new, and I never know how much longer I will be in charge.
I'm expected to decorate, and do team lead stuff at the same time.
It's just kind of ridiculous.
I would be fine being a team lead for the department, I would rather do just that.
Hmm, we'll see.
Until then, I will continue on working myself to the bone.
Fun times.

For tonight I will sit in front of the fireplace, snuggle with my fleece blankies, and drink loads of OJ while getting hopped up on cold medicine.
Hoorah.

Sleepily yours,
Bamf

Christmas is finally over

I am beginning to dislike Christmas more and more each year.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing my family and being guaranteed a day off of work, but that's about it.

I overeat.
I have to spend so much money on gifts.
Customers at work at incredibly rude.
People are greedy.
It's all done in one day.
Then we must carry on in life.

One of my nephews was sick, so he couldn't even come for Christmas.
The others were here, and all vying for my attention at once- that gets to be so hard.
I accidentally gave one of my nephews my niece's present.. oops.
Now I have to work each day for the next week, and my third weekend in a row.
We are horribly staffed.
My boss will be more than likely out for the next two weeks, so I have to continue on doing her job.
I am not getting paid to do this extra stuff.
No fun.
I am just all 'bah humbug' about this year.
Here's to hoping that the next week goes by quickly.

The Grinch,
Bamf

Christmas Eve of lameness

So it's Christmas Eve.
I've consumed a bottle of wine by myself.
We ate spaghetti.
I am now in the basement, watching 'A Christmas Story'.
Now I will sit alone until the broski's and their families come over tomorrow at lunch time.
Hooray for lame-o Christmases.
Not.
I am excited to not have to work tomorrow.
You have no idea how excited I am.
But this is lame.
My bro's spend most of their time with their wife's families, and the rest of us are left in the dust.
One of my brother's would rather not have to go over to the houses damn near ever week, but the other bro could care less about us.
He only calls when he needs something.
Holidays aren't enjoyable anymore.
I would rather not even celebrate them.
Too much drama.
I keep my mouth shut 99% of the time, because my oldest brother is the only one that I can talk to about it, mainly because he thinks the same way I do.
Tomorrow I will endure the isolation, and smile simply for my nieces and nephews.
I would rather be hanging out on the farm with the cows.
For now I will sit, with my wine, and fall asleep in front of the fireplace.

Your anti-christmas elf,
Bamf

Saturday night wine party

A party of three.
Me, and these two crazy folks.

Molly and Buddy

They be wackadoodles.

But after my day today, I think we fit together fine.

My night consists of wine, Lifetime minds, watching horrible Target Christmas commercials, and throwing their toys repeatedly into the kitchen.

You're jealous, I know.

I managed to survive the ridiculous day at work, stopped at the liquor store where I was pitied by the employee for having to deal with the craziness.

So then I came back to the dogsitting/housesitting home, ordered pizza, played fetch the puppies, and finally got to watch the complete movie of 'A Boyfriend For Christmas'.

Cute movie, but makes me say 'yeah right!'.

Today has made me realize the following:

-Wine is good

-Doggy cuddles are better

-Target has really bad commercials

-I don't have much of an appetite anymore

-You can order pizzas with light sauce (best thing ever)

-People are ridiculously rude in the few days before Christmas

-I'm old and want to be in bed before I finish the bottle wine

-Even though I often despise it, I am thankful for having a job that I can tolerate

In the past two days I have two friends that have become engaged.

Talk about a punch in the gut.

Makes me feel like even more of a failure in life.

Just what I needed right now.

Now that those thoughts are in my head, I think I'll go finish the wine now...

Your wineo,

Bamf

Sleepless in Minneapolis

It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiine....
Well, not really.
According to the Mayans it is, but obviously they are all dead so their calendar doesn't count.
I am planning on living to see tomorrow.
If I wasn't, I sure as hell wouldn't have gone to jazzercise tonight.
I would have boozed it up instead.
Well, no really.
I would have done some hard core snuggling with my niece.
Fo realz.

I am feeling about a zillion different emotions right now.
I am not feeling fiiine...
Not quite sure I can even put them into words.
I don't like this feeling, nor do I know how to shake it.

I'm just... here.

Tonight I will hopefully dream of how I want to go, how I think it will actually go, and how much I love this little girl.

Sleepless in Minneapolis,
Bamf

Overtime and Overworked

Shit always seem to hit the fan right before Christmas.
Three years ago my grandma passed away right before Christmas.
Three years ago my friend's mom passed away right before Christmas.
Two years ago my coworkers dad died right before Christmas.
This year my boss' dad is in the hospital with congestive heart failure, and she had to fly to North Carolina last minute.
Christmas shouldn't be a time for mourning.
This shouldn't be part of the circle of life.
Makes me so sad.
Now I am left to unofficially run the department through Christmas.
Trying to cover the shifts.
Working four weekends in a row.
Working overtime.
Losing my sanity.
Ugh.
Don't get me wrong, I am more than willing to help out my friends/coworkers when they need me.
Sure, I'll bitch and complain about it (due to me being overly dramatic), but I will help out whenever I can.
I'll just be pissed off more than usual, but shit will get done.
Ultimately, that's what matters.
My bank account will appreciate it as well.

So now I wait, for my sheets to get done being washed and dried, so I can snuggle and prepare myself for the next few days.
And I will watch 'Love Actually' and feel ridiculously sad about my life.
And sing along with The Beatles.

Tomorrow is work, seeing my Brenna Burrito, jazzercise, and wrap more presents.
Hoorah.

Love Actually,
Bamf

Monday madness

Today was a crazy day, and for so many reasons.
Good things.
Annoying things.
Normal things.
I just never know what Mondays are going to contain anymore.

The recap:
Good- people were kind at work. One of the regulars randomly bought me a gift card for Starbucks because she loved her son's cupcakes, and she likes to talk with me because I'm always so helpful and nice. This COMPLETELY made my day. I wanted to cry. Normally I get yelled at or people complain, but today I actually felt appreciated. It was great. I love kind people.
Annoying- coworkers discussing gun control at work. I have complete opposite views from them, so when they started going I was so mad I was almost shaking. And then I just have one coworker who is just a moron in general. I want to slap her all th time. Fo realz.
Normal- had to put up with shit. Made cakes. Drank coffee. My boss talked to me about promoting. Again. I'll believe it when I'm actually given the opportunity to interview. If they let me go it'll be interesting.

Current wants: to go ice fishing, to go to the gun range, to get my hair done, and to sleep in. Wednesday I can. I hope. Until then, to bed I go. I really need to get my Christmas cards done tomorrow. Somehow. Ugh.

Your redneck,
Bamf

Bah, humbug

Seriously, is Christmas done yet?
Working retail completely ruins the holidays for me.
People are rude and demanding.
The hours are long.
It is ridiculously busy.
There is no time for anything.
I'm so tired that all I want to do is cry.

It doesn't help that on my weekends to work, my friends want to hang out.
Hanging out = late nights.
Late nights = little sleep.
Little sleep = crabby Bamf.
No one wants to hang out on my weekends off.
Lame.
If I wouldn't be sick I wouldn't be so dramatic and emotional, but I am.
Awesome.
Let's hope that this headache goes away so I can not be so dramatic.
Cross your fingers.

I'm sending out Christmas cards for the first time this year.
I just hope that I actually get them sent out in time.
That will pretty much be a Christmas miracle- I'm horrible at mailing things.

Whelp, it's not even 6pm and I'm heading to bed.
I have the headache from hell.

Crabby pants,
Bamf

Prayers for Newtown, CT

I am in absolute disbelief about the events that went on at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT today.
A senseless person, barely out of being a kid himself, went on a shooting rampage at a school that his mother taught at.
He killed 18 defenseless children, and 6 other adults before turning the gun on himself.
Obviously there was something horrific going on in his head for him to do such a thing.
I firmly believe that we will never truly know why he did this.
Why he chose to kill those innocent kids just before Christmas.
It numbs me and basically makes me sick to my stomach to think about that.
I don't know what I would ever do if that ever happened to anyone I know.
My prayers are with everything affected by the shooting today.
No words can be said to bring them comfort.

In the wake of the the tragedy, I feel I must speak out regarding how the NRA is dragged into this situation.
As a person who has their gun safety permit, family members who hold a carry permit, as well as many friends and family members who hunt for sport, I must state that I firmly believe that it is not the guns that kill people, but rather unstable individuals getting ahold of guns.
I have read reports that the guns the gunman used were legally bought and registered to one of the victims.
The mother of the gunman.
As a mother and educator, we can make a safe assumption that she purchased those guns with no intention of doing harm.
Unfortunately her unstable son got ahold of the guns, and we may never know how or why, and then carried out the killings.
Many will cry that it is so easy for people to get guns, and that is causing the harm.
But what about drugs?
Both illegal drugs and prescription drugs.
How many people die from drug related activities? Tons.
What about alcohol?
How many people die as a result of drunk drivers? Tons.
Even if guns are taken away, I am sad to believe that there will be tragedies regardless.
As technology grows, people are given so many other outlets to cause harm.
It is at their fingertips.
I do not think that the NRA is trying to cause harm to individuals.
They are not encouraging heinous acts such as this.
No one would encourage heinous acts such as this.
We can't think that banning guns will solve any of this.
If we do, we are delusional.
We must look at those sick individuals out there.
Help them, do not make fun of them.
Try to understand them, don't push them away.

I'm so very thankful that friends of mine don't read this, otherwise I would get in a heated debate and there would be many hurt feelings.
This is just a place for me to put my thoughts out in cyber space.
It's safer that way.

We must not forget about the victims of today's events.
Their families, friends, and the community in Newtown, CT.
Hold them in your prayers.
Hug your kids, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, friends, and family.

Praying,
Bamf

Even If It Breaks Your Heart

Oh Ely Young Band, how I love you so.
If you haven't hear them yet, you should.
The hot song is the title of the post, obviously.
YouTube that shit.

I love how the RNC (Republican National Convention) calls to ask me for donations.
I've never formally affiliated with any party, so I don't know why the hell they are calling me.
They have the nerve to ask me to donate money to them.
$100.
Are you fucking kidding me?!
I work retail and I am paying back my student loans, I can't afford to frivolously give money away.
Then she asks about $25.
Ha.
Yea. Right.
Then I go on a rant about how I have a college degree that has gotten me nowhere, so my money has to go to me just to stay afloat.
The bitch wouldn't give up.
Finally I just said no (she didn't get the hint the first two times, apparently).
Thankfully the conversation ended there.
The RNC is becoming just as bad as my college's alumni association calling for money.
I just tell them that their college degree has gotten me nowhere besides debt, so they are getting no money.
The phone call ends very quickly.
When I have my student loan payed off, in 20 years or so, we can then discuss donations.
I'll still say no, but we can discuss it.
Needless to say, I'm so very bitter about not being able to use my college degree, simply because I don't have the experience.
But no one will give you any.
It's the most annoying double edged fucking sword, ever.
Fuck. My. College. Degree.
::End Rant::

On that note, I am officially sick of holiday programs that different schools put on.
So many of them that I feel obligated to go to, and so little chill time.
And I won't even get the 'Aunt of the Year' award.

I'm also sick of being sick.
If I didn't have to sneeze so much, life would be better.
Kinda.
Not really, but I'll go with it.
Pickers can't be choosers, right?
Obviously, otherwise my life wouldn't be as it is.

I'm on day 8 without soda.
This is easy.
I am drinking a lot more water now, so that's a good thing.
Now to curb my sweet tooth, and I'd be great.
Oh to dream.

Well, I suppose I hit my bitching and complaining limit for the day.
I could go on about the shenanigans happening at work, but that would just be silly.
I would never submit you readers to nonsense about cupcake and cake vendors.
That would just be cruel.
I'm not feeling that mean today.
We'll see how I am feeling tomorrow ;)
Ha.

Bitchingly yours,
Bamf

Sex in the City Wednesdays

Sick day means Sex and the City marathon in front of the fireplace.
With my giraffe print blanket, of course.
I no longer want to rip out my tonsils, so that's good.
So long as I don't get any worse, I can chalk this up to a minor cold.
Huzzah to that.

Well, it's not even been a week and I already broke my promise to myself.
No, I haven't had any soda, but I looked at his profile on Facebook.
I just had to see if he was even on there to notice.
He has been on there since I added him.
If he doesn't say anything by my birthday, the end of January, I'm deleting him again and never looking back.
I can't do this to myself, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Then I'm done.
This is all pointless.
Some friendships are worth being mended, and others are not.
I must accept this one, and move on.
It's is my solemn vow.
Anonymous readers, please hold me to this.

I wish I could live like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.
Their lives were great on the show.
Le sigh...

Wishing I were Carrie,
BAMF

Blankies and throat drops

My god, I want to rip out my tonsils right now.
I can't go more than 10 minutes without a throat numbing drop in my mouth.
Gross.
Makes for a good reason to watch a movie in front of the fireplace tonight.
I also don't have to work tomorrow, thank god.
Sleep in day for me- bazinga!

So I'm watching the movie 'Friends With Kids' right now, and it is scary how true it is.
Your life does change when your friends have kids and you don't.
I don't quite know if I'd go to that extent that the main characters in the movie did, ok I know I wouldn't, but it's a creative solution to their problem.
So far I'm not completely digging this movie, but we'll see how the rest of it goes.

When I'm sick my life isn't overly dramatic.
Hopefully things will change around soon, I'm not use to this normal life.
Drama works with my life, crazy enough as it is.

Whelp, time to curl up and watch the idiot box.

Stuffingly yours,
BAMF

Manic Monday

Well, not so manic. 

I just didn't know what else to put with Monday. 

Rather than inhaling sugar today, I got to inhale espresso and milk.

Shout out to the people who call in for their shifts in Starbucks- holler.

I get used and abused at work, but at least I have a job. 

Earlier today I thought I was just tired from all the shoveling I did yesterday.

I am ridiculously sore, but I think I'm getting sick.

Exhausted, sore throat, and overall feeling like blah.

I probably shouldn't have shoveled yesterday in wet clothes. 

When it doesn't stop snowing it's kinda hard not to. 

Let's hope I'm not horrible tomorrow morning. 

On the upswing of this day, I am continuing to move in the right direction with a friendship.

Texting again with her makes me happy.

I'm going to try and sleep off whatever crap I have. 

Peace out,

Bamf

Powerpoint Catchup and Snowstorm Truffles

Sunday has come and gone, and here I sit, debating on whether or not to go out and shovel again.
Mind you I shoveled for and hour and a half earlier today.
At least 12" of snow fell today, but I think more like 14" has.
Snowmageddon is like the precursor to the zombie apocalypse.
It might just stay there until tomorrow... Or it'll make ridiculous drifts. Whatevs.

I can't believe this weekend has come and gone.
Full of holiday programs for my niece and nephew, baking, driving, and not getting anything accomplished that I had hoped to.
Regardless of that, it turned out to be a kick-ass weekend.
Last night I went to my brother's house and spend the night with him and my niece.
It has been so long since we were able to hangout with just the two of us.
I got some quality play time with my niece and my brother's dog, so that was awesome.
I didn't wrap any presents, but that can wait.

Mending of a friendship is continuing, and we are playing catchup using Powerpoint presentations.
It was such a great idea we had, although it makes me feel as if my life is super dull.
Either way, it was great to learn more about what has happened with her in the past 3.5 yrs, and I'm excited to continue to get to know her again.

I made energy bites, they were a success.
I made cocoa date balls, they were half successful.
I made oreo truffles, and they were a failure.
Eating some of each means that I am now on a sugar high and feel like barfing.
Awesome.
I need a detox.
But 4 days without soda- holler.

On another note- Shahs of Sunset is a ridiculously addicting.
Whelp, time to go and fall asleep to the movie Elf.

Your Snow Hater,
Bamf

TGIF

I really miss the nightly line up of shows that was on every Friday night on ABC.
They were the shit.
Anyway, I'm so very thankful that today is friday night, and that I can go to bed soon.
This was a ridiculously long, great, difficult, emotional, and overall satisfying week.
So much has happened, that it's almost hard to comprehend.
It's done, and that's what really matters.
We were way ahead at work, so it was nice to know my coworkers weren't stressed out going into the weekend.
I wish it worked that way on my weekends. Lame.

This weekend will be amazing, I do believe.
Massage, niece's preschool program, movie night with myself and wine, baking, christmas movie marathon, and going to bed early each night.
I. AM. PUMPED!
Yes, I am that exciting.
After weekends of wedding activities and stress, I am very happy to be able to relax.
Not to mention that we could get up to 6" of snow.
The first significant snowfall leads to people driving like morons, and I would be happy to pass that altogether.
Yeah, yay winter.

This just in, one of my new favorite songs is Anna Sun by Walk the Moon.
You can watch their video here
It's interesting, but the song is good.
And it's super catchy.
Other current favorites in no particular order:
One That Got Away- Jake Owen
Locked Out Of Heaven- Bruno Mars
Ho Hey- The Lumineers
Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men

So, hooray for randomness.
I've heard nothing from the pending person, nor do I plan on it.
I still haven't sought him out (i.e. lamely looked at his FB page), and I haven't had soda yet.
Oddly enough I'm subconsciously connecting the two.
I'm strange like that, it's probably best not to ask.
Life is tiring, so I think I'll go to bed.

Stay classy and drink coffee,
Bamf

Something about Thursdays...

Well, Jazzercising officially kicked my ass.
My body aches from my hips down.
Stairs are tricky, and my knees still click.
Probably doesn't help that I tore my meniscus years ago.
Let's hope I don't break something.

My old friendship continues to be mended, and its great telling the truth to someone.
Not having to hold back.
It's a relief, especially for me since I have little to no filter.
Whoops.

That pending friendship is official in the Facebook world, but I won't allow myself to look at his profile.
I'm quitting that, as well as quitting soda pop.
But I won't give up my coffee.
No way in hell.
I need to survive work somehow.

Here's to hoping I have no dreams about said person.

Jazzercise extraordinaire,
BAMF

It's go time.

I'm going to quit being a pansy and add him.
This is stupid, I'm an adult. I can handle it.
Well, maybe not, but I am REALLY good at lying and denying, so good I should have majored at them in college.
I have my plans worked out on what to say, but mostly I'm not going to say anything.
I'm gonna be like the Beatles and just let it be.
Not to mention the fact that no one knows of my plan besides myself and my one lonely reader and anonymous commenter.
Fool proof plan.
Word.
Now I'm going to go jazzercise. Huzzah.

Your dancin queen,
BAMF

Just like that

I am feeling so much better.
Although I can't make some decisions, I feel as if I made at least one right one tonight.
By making a move to mend an old friendship.
I have missed my BFF Rose in indescribable amounts.
Besides my BFF Rose, I don't think anyone will truly understand.
And that's the truth.

I'm still needing a shrink though.
One thing at a time...

Tipsy Tuesday

Let's just say that I found out a new restaurant in town has big margaritas on sale for $5 on Tuesdays, and I'm very glad I don't have to work tomorrow.
After the day I had today it went down supa easy, and I look forward to going back soon.
But it didn't help make my life or decisions any easier.

I still sit here unable to decide.
My heart and brain say different things.

I need a shrink. Asap.
Any takers?

Confusingly yours,
Bamf

Pending...

That friendship is still pending.
I have looked at it countless times.
I almost clicked on it to respond, but I just can't pull myself to do it.
I don't want to face the questions that this person may have.
If they even notice.
I don't know what I would say.
I would avoid it, and then probably unfriend them. Again.
The future of the friendship is just agonizing to think about.
I would much rather just not even deal with it.
That chapter of my life just needs to be done.
Now to find the strength to end it.
I have a feeling that that strength is pending as well..

Pendingly,
Bamf